Relating to this song

https://open.spotify.com/track/1zu2GKHPJIsUu80SUJX4H4?si=7230rjp1QzCfN9W9C2DaIA&context=spotify%3Asearch&dd=1

I have never related to a song more than this song right now. Before I get into it I just wanna say that this is a really good song and the artist is amazing. Check him out if you haven’t already.

“And just like before
I can see that you're sure
You can change him but I know you won't

The devil doesn't bargain
He'll only break your heart again
It isn't worth it, darling
He's never gonna change
He'll never be Prince Charming
He'll only do you harm again.”

Last Wednesday night (the 29th) my boyfriend of 3 years and nine months broke up with me. I’m having a hard time dealing with it, but the thing is when we started to experience issues I tried so hard to keep us together because I was hopeful that this time things would be better. Yes. I said this time. We have dated before and it didn’t end well, but when we broke up that time I was in another state and the long distance made things worse so I had to end things.

This time we agreed to a second chance cause I moved back to my hometown, so I thought that being in the same place would make it easier. At first I was right. Things were good, but then out of nowhere we started having issues that steadily got worse. When it came to my feelings I felt super invalidated and anytime I would bring up how something that he was doing was hurtful he would either shut me down or deflect. Eventually our communication shut down in the sense where before we were calling each other basically every night to about once a week.

In a sense the break up wasn’t a surprise, but it still hurts. It hurts, not only because we aren’t together anymore, but the timing of it sucked. The 26th was our 3 year and 9 month anniversary, he broke up with me on the 29th, and then April 1 was the 3 year anniversary of my great-grandma’s passing plus I had to work that day. I know at some point things will be alright and I will (hopefully, but I don’t really care at this point) find someone who fully accepts me for me. 

I was trying so hard to keep us together and doing whatever I could to make things better, but he refused to do any work whatsoever to change things. He didn’t want to put any work in, even though he kept saying multiple times that he would, so it seemed like he didn’t really care about me or the relationship. What made it worse was that he broke up with me on a phone call instead of in person, which I hate, but there is nothing that I can do about that. 

Relationships are difficult.

Using the Unexpected

Deborah, Esther, Rahab, Ruth, Jonah, Noah, Moses, and Paul. These eight people were people that God ended up using at one point and they weren’t exactly people that you would expect to be used. 

1) Debroah ~ Judges 4:1-5:31

⚖️ She was a prophet and a judge of the Israelities

⚖️ She sent for a man named Barak because the Lord commanded him to “Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor. I will lead Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River and give him into your hands” (Judges 4:6-7).

⚖️ Barak ended up not wanting to go unless Debroah went with him because he didn’t believe that he could do what God wanted if she wasn’t there with him. 

⚖️She ended up going with him and sure enough Barak went to battle on the day that she told him and the Lord routed the enemy like Debroah said would happen.

⚖️She stayed the course and deviate from it and in the end Sisera was killed by a woman whose name was Jael.

2) Esther ~ Esther 

👑 She was a Jew who later became Queen to King Xerxes 

👑She was brought into the palace of the king with a bunch of other young woman, all virgins, to basically be put through a test in order to be chosen to become the new Queen.

👑 Nobody knew that she was a Jew because her cousin Mordecai told her not to tell anyone

Temptation doesn’t mean that you sin

 

In Luke 4:1-13 it talks about how Jesus was tempted by the Devil for 40 days in the desert, but Jesus didn’t give in to the evil one. The way he didn’t give in was to quote Scripture whenever Satan told him to do something to prove that Jesus was the Son of God. Now you are probably saying to ourselves that Jesus was capable of that because he was Jesus and he didn’t do anything wrong. Here is the thing though: even us “ordinary” people have the means to say no to temptation. Temptation doesn’t automatically mean that we will sin. It’s something that is said for a wrong thing to be done, but it’s a choice that we have to make when it comes us. It’s easy to do the wrong thing and it can be hard to do the right thing, but we have to remember that doing the wrong thing will slowly pull us away from God while the right thing will draw us closer to Him. We have to have the courage and the fortitude to tell Satan no when he decides to talk to us into doing something that we aren’t supposed to do either by just outright telling him no and that he needs to leave us alone. Remember that God will be right there with us to provide a way out of the temptations that we face on the daily and He won’t let us go against it on our own. We have to call out to Him when we need the assistance to stand up for the right thing that we know will benefit us in the long run. We can do it because we have the means to not give into temptation plus we have God on our side to help us out.

One of those days

 Have you ever had a day where you just wanted to stay at home and do nothing? That day when you didn't feel like company or going to someone's house? Its a day when you just want to spend alone. For me personally I'm actually having one right now as I write this and I'm not sure why it is happening now. I had work today and then out of nowhere when I got picked up I just wanted alone time. Usually that happens when I'm feeling overwhelmed with stuff, like when I'm around people for days at a time and it doesn't matter if its for a short amount of time. I could be around someone for a couple hours and then just be in my room doing nothing, but if it is like that for basically the entire week I can't stand it anymore. This week has been kind of like that and it isn't about to end. I feel somewhat bad for feeling like this when its Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter). It sucks when you don't feel like doing anything because what if a friend wanted to hang out and you have to be like sorry I'm just not feeling it today, Maybe another time. 

Its okay to have a day like that. To have some "me time" when things get hectic cause self-care is important. Its not good when you don't find time for yourself even for a little bit because you could run yourself straight into the ground if you overdo it. If you work all the time you could try to take a minute after you get out to just sit down and relax. Sure work is important because you need the money that you earn for important things, but its okay to slow down a little in order for taking care of yourself. We all need breaks from time to time in order to check in with ourselves to see how we are doing. 

Boil the Frog

Boil the Frog is a website where you can put in to different artists, it doesn't matter who it is, and it will create a Spotify playlist based on who you pick.

Boil the Frog

Change

 

For me personally change is difficult and I don't like it. If I'm used to doing a certain thing and something new is thrown into it....it completely throws me off. Change is different for everyone and they handle it in their own ways. There is nothing wrong with embracing change, but some people have trouble doing so. Its okay to not like it and its okay if you do because that is your opinion and how you see it as a whole. Everyone is going to have different thoughts and we should respect that. In order to make something better whether that is situational or ourselves than change is necessary. It can be scary to bring a new variable into our lives, but it could be worth it to see what can come out of that variable. 

Trauma

Trauma: a deeply distressing or disturbing experience

Trauma could be anything and it could really damage a person. I myself have some trauma: when I witnessed an ex-friend try to commit suicide and when my dad had his work accident. Two unrelated things, but terrible at the same time. I still get flashbacks from when my friend tried to hang herself, its been like 5-6 years now since it happened, and I'm reminded of my dad's accident every time I see him. There are worse things that what I went through and people tend to handle it in different ways. If you have ever experienced trauma of any kind then you should try to get some help because when you talk about it....it will allow some of that weight that you have been holding onto to lift a little. It could take a long time before it feels like things are back to "normal," but it will get there. You can get through this.