Going through Hard Times

Whatever we go through, be it good times or bad, there is nothing to fear for God is with us. God will be with us no matter what no matter the circumstances because He loves us and He won't leave us to face the situation alone. I know sometimes that it might feel like God isn't present when we need Him, but let me tell you something...that is a lie. He is always present even when we can't feel/sense Him because "he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6). When things get tough or hard to handle the thing you need to remember is that when you buckle down, ask for help, get your stuff together, etc something good will come out of it in the end. You might now believe it, but it is the truth because I have been there and I can honestly tell you that it will get better. Don't give up.

During my senior year of high school I was taking six classes. First semester sucked so bad because out of those six classes three of them were math related, one was an AP (advanced placement) English class, and the last two were Choir and Aerobics. I'm not that good at math and having to do three at once was horrible, but I had no choice if I wanted to graduate on time and that was going to happen no matter what. I had to do Geometry again because I failed it my sophomore year and I didn't know I had to retake it until almost the end of my junior year. During that time I was in the after school program, so I figured that I would do credit recovery during that time. I quickly realized that I wasn't going to finish on time, so I just said that I would take it as a class my senior year...Big mistake. I was the only senior in the entire class and the teacher wasn't really helpful to me. When exams at the end of the semester rolled around I passed the exam, but I had failed a midterm so I failed the class. I had to do credit recovery in order to get that credit because I needed it to graduate, so that is what I did.

The other two math classes I was taking first semester was my senior math class (Algebra 2b) and Personal Finance. Both of those were hard, but I did the best I could to try to pass them. I learned later that I needed to pass only one of those to be able to graduate, but that is beside the point now. On top of that I had an AP English class where I had to do a lot of essays. Essays are something I struggled with even in college and I was not looking forward to doing them. I got one A out of all the essays that we did and it was the last essay of the school year. On top of all this crazy Aerobics was okay and Choir just added to the crazy that was my senior year because of all the rehearsals and concerts that I had to do. I was still doing credit recovery as well and it wasn't going all that well for me because I kept on procrastinating with it even though I knew that I had to finish it to get the credit. Towards the end when the seniors' last day was approaching one of the English teachers stepped in to help me finish it on time. At my high school when it is the seniors last day there is a time that is projected on the projectors scattered around the cafeteria and when it hits zero there is a paper toss. I was working on finishing credit recovery with the English teacher and I finished when there was eight minutes left on the timer.

The only thing that had me worried was rather or not I passed the classes that I had to pass in order to graduate, so I had emailed my counselor about it, He told me to email him at the end of the week because that was when he would have the final list of who made it or not, so the day came and I emailed him. The only other person who was home was my mom because my younger siblings still had school and my dad was at work, so my mom was the first one to find out. My counselor emailed me back shortly after and said that....I was all set to graduate. I freaked out and ran out to the living room to tell my mom, but I had to wait a minute when I got out there because she was on the phone.

That year was so difficult to get through that it was hard for me to stay optimistic, but I kept on telling myself that I was going to graduate (it became my mantra after awhile) that I started to believe it and I worked really hard to it. I preserved through the hard work that I received my diploma on graduation day. I didn't give up and because I didn't give up something good came out of it. Anything that you are struggling with, whether its something simple as getting through school to an addiction of some kind, know that if you work hard while going above and beyond to overcoming that struggle without giving up something good with be waiting on the other side. Throughout that fight that you are fighting: remember that you are not alone and that God will be with you every step of the way.

The Power of Friendship

Friends are those who mean a lot to me and I will be there for them through anything that they might be going through. One such person is someone who I met three years ago during our Freshman year of College. Now this girl has been through a lot growing up all the way to now and I have been there for her when she needed someone to talk to or rant to because that is the person I am. I have learned a lot from her and I have also learned when to take a step back to give her space when she needs it.

I remember one time during college I went to go down to her room to ask her something and when I got there I noticed that the door was locked. She always has the door unlocked and allows me to just walk in when it is unlocked (the only times she actually locked it was when she had to leave campus and when she went to bed at night), but I realized that something might have happened for it to be locked during the day so I just walked away instead of trying to get her to open the door because I knew that I wasn't going to push anything till she wanted to talk.

God has been a huge part of our friendship because we both believe that He brought us together and it ended up being just that. There have been a handful of times where we would have hours of, what we called, God talks and they were always really deep when they happened. Sometimes we will be having a regular conversation and then somehow it will turn into a talk about God without either us knowing about it.

One time we were sitting in her doorway towards the end of the school year talking about things and then it turned into talking about Sin. It started to really mess with her and I ended up showing her a clip from the movie War Room when the character Elizabeth was telling Satan to leave her house and her family alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk_m7HUoaUA&t=68s

We shut the door to go in the room because she didn't want to have the conversation in the hallway anymore. After the clip ended we talked about how powerful that scene is and how it made us feel. We also discussed the analogy between God + Satan and what it "feels like" being stuck between the two. It is like the game of Tug-of-War in the sense that we want or need to follow God, but the temptation of Satan/sinning is also present and we are being pulled in two different directions.

There has been days when we weren't talking about serious stuff and we were just having fun. Like one time we were going to the movies, but we didn't want to buy popcorn there because it was expensive. We decided to go buy two big bags of Brim's popcorn instead, so we can sneak it in. The problem was how to transport it without getting caught, but it was proving difficult. Finally she just gave up, emptied her purse of everything, and then just dumped the popcorn in her purse. It worked and nobody knew what we did.

Another time I was going to go with her to her sister's basketball game with her brother and little cousin. We had to drop her sister off at the school and there was still time before we had to be at the place where the game was taking place at, so we decided to go McDonald's to eat. The McDonald's  we ended up going to had a play place in it and we played in it even though we were like nineteen at the time, but we didn't care because we just wanted to have fun.

She means a lot to me and our friendship is something I want to hold onto because we just get along so well. We can talk about anything with each other and we will listen to one another. I am blessed that God brought us together and I am sure that He has great things for us.

Storms

"As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped,
and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.""

~Luke 8:23-24 NIV

There have been times in my life when it felt like I was in the middle of a storm and it was difficult getting through it. High school was hard for me especially when junior year hit because I had to go through something that I couldn't believe I had to face. One of my best friends at the time was going through depression and anxiety along with family issues, so everything came to a head and it wasn't good at all. One day we were both in our sixth hour reading The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien when she suddenly got up to head to the bathroom and I started getting a bad feeling, so I got up and followed her to make sure everything was okay.

I went to the bathroom and I was waiting for her because I wanted to walk back to class together when something happened. She attempted to hang herself off of the bar that went across the last stall that she was in with her belt and the second that the noose went tight I was right there. First I tried to untie the belt to make her drop to the floor and when that didn't work I wrapped my arms around her legs to lift her up, so she wasn't choking thereby saving her life. It was such a traumatic thing for me to go through that for a long time I felt guilty about it.

That incident made me feel like I was in the middle of a storm and it was so hard to get myself back on my feet afterwards because it kept on knocking me down when I tried to stand to move on from it. I knew God was with me and that I could overcome it, but at the time I found it difficult to make myself believe that. I was questioning God on why He made me experience that and why it had to be me, but I soon realized that if I wasn't there when it happened something entirely different might have occurred.

God never left me to deal with it alone and I had people who were helping me deal with it, which I was incredibly grateful for. That storm eventually passed and when it did I was in a better place even though I would get flashbacks of that day, but it was becoming easier to handle with time. The good thing that happened after that day was that she lived and she got help for it, which is a huge deal.

There will be struggles in our lives that will test our patience and our strength to keep going. We will need to acquire help from those who care for us and who will do everything to help us. If we feel like no one is going to be there for us we can turn to God who will be. He will stay by us no matter what for He has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

The Light in the Dark

When there is something going on in our lives that start to weigh down on us and it feels like we are standing or drowning in a sea of darkness we have to remember that there will be a light in the distance to guide us back to the surface. That light is there for us to fix our eyes on so we can start to pull ourselves out of that total darkness. It might be hard or even impossible to be able to get back to the surface, but we have to remember that God will be there to help us out of whatever thing is going on that makes us feel like there is no way out. In John 8:12 Jesus says "I am the light of the world: he who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." We have to remember when we feel that darkness pulling us in to fix our eyes on God and the light so that we don't lose sight of who we are. The light will be there to guide the way and help us out of that infinite darkness. We just have to be strong through the trials that will try to make us lose sight of the presence of God. Isaiah 9:2 says "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned."

This is a devotion that I wrote for my college choir class and I really struggled with how this turned out or in other words part of the reason why I wrote it. In my junior year of high school one of my best friends tried to commit suicide. The only reason why I knew this was because I happened to be there when it happened and I round up actually saving her life that day. For a while I felt incredibly guilty because I knew that she was struggling and that she was thinking of doing it, but even though I knew I didn't do anything to get her the help she needed. I know it wasn't my fault that it ended up the way it did, but I still thought that I could have done something to get her the help she needed. In a way I was reminded of that as I sat down to write the devotion that I wrote above.

I felt compelled to talk about this because I know people who feel trapped and closed in; kind of like being in darkness and who don't feel like nobody cares for them, but there is one person who does and that is God himself. God will always be there to comfort us when we need to be comforted and will never leave us no matter what. I am a Christian who strongly believes in this and I will stick with it no matter what. There are times in my life when something happen and I have to pray about it because if I don't then it just piles onto me until it feels like a big weight has been put on me and in order for that weight to be lifted off of my shoulders than I have to give it to God.

Another thing that prompted the devotion was the fact that my dad was in a really bad work accident July 7, 2015 and it was really hard to get through the first semester of freshman year because of it. He was working on garage doors and wound up falling 12 feet off of the forklift which ultimately lead to his entire face getting fractured, nine titanium plates in his head, both feet fractured (didn't find that out until 3 months later), and a hole in his frontal lobe. He was in a medically induced coma for four days, ICU for and four days or so and then was at Mary Free Bed for three weeks after that.

It was a dark time for me for a while, but because I had God to turn to I got through it. I didn't let what was going on to completely "drown" me in the inky blackness that is the dark because it is not beneficial in the slightest

Strength

This bible verse really speaks to me on a personal level, so I am going to tell the story of when this was true for me.

Scene: Senior year of high school

Problem: Graduating

My senior year was stressful for me to get through because I was in three math classes and an AP class, which really took a toll on me. Math isn't my forte and having to take three didn't agree with me at all because it was really hard to get through them. Thankfully, I had to only take one of them the first semester... and then I had to do credit recovery for that class I didn't have to be in anymore because I failed it.

I really struggled with credit recovery because I didn't want to do it, but I knew that I had to if I wanted to graduate. The good thing about credit recovery was that it took place after school, so I was able to concentrate on my regular classes. The AP class I was taking was hard only because there was a lot of writing involved and I wasn't that good at writing the assignments.

Second semester was somewhat easier because my classes changed making it easier for me to handle. The problem still lied with credit recovery along with the two math classes I was still in. I was struggling with finishing credit recovery on time and passing my classes, but the closer graduation came I stared to slowly pull ahead. At this point I had people who doubted that I would be able to graduate on time, but I was feeling confident in my abilities and I was really praying for the strength to accomplish it.

I was told that in order for me to graduate I had to pass credit recovery, the extracurricular classes, the AP class, and either one of the math classes. During the last week or so until my last day of school I was getting help with credit recovery from one of the teachers causing me to finish on the last day. I was so happy that I finished on time with credit recovery, but I had to wait until I knew if I passed my other classes. I was starting to get nervous and I started to pray harder about passing. The day came when I found out and I was ecstatic because I did indeed pass making me able to graduate.

Without God the outcome might have been something entirely different than what actually took place. This proved that Bible verse in the beginning of this blog and I am really grateful to Him for providing that strength. I showed everyone who doubted that I wouldn't graduate that I could get through senior year and it made me extremely proud of myself.